Cock a Doodle Do - Donal McKenna

T’is well I do remember the year of forty three

I didn’t know what lay ahead or what the future held for me

I started work in June that year for oul Jemmy McAnerry

Nobody else would work for him he was so crooked and contrary

He was over eighty years of age and well set in his ways

And he never did get married for he was too hard to plaze

They say he had a sweetheart once but I think they tempted fate

And she was shipped off to America when she put on a bit of weight

Says he I need a man to feed the hens and footer round the yard

I’ll give you fifteen bob a week and you’ll not be worked that hard

But when it came to Saturday night and me waiting to be paid

I couldn’t find oul Jemmy for he’d be otherwise delayed

And when at last I’d find him he grumbled and he gerned

And I sometimes had to beg him for the money that I’d earned

He had no sympathy for a working man no pity or regard

If it was too wet to work outside he’d make me brush the yard.

 

The hours were very long from eight o’clock till eight

But I was glad to get the job and I thought the feeding great

There was boiled eggs in the morning and for the tay at ten o’clock

And plenty more at dinner time and them boiled like a rock

There was tay again in the evening as much as I could ate

Piles of bread and butter and boiled eggs on the plate

He would always say have another egg and I never could say naw

And no matter how many boiled eggs I ate I’d still suck the odd one raw

Then I asked for scrambled eggs one day but it went against the grain

For Jemmy scrambled them shells and all and I never asked again

When we sat at the table there wouldn’t be much craic

For sometimes he never spoke at all and I never answered back

And whenever he talked politics I just hummed and hawed

For he said I was eggnostic (whatever that was) and he was a good oul Ulster prod

So we mostly ate in silence and not a word was said

About the gray hairs in the butter nor the paw marks on the bread

But I had to watch what bread I ate for some bits would break your teeth

The hard bread was all piled on top and the fresh stuff hid beneath

And the bread would always be burned black but I never once did moan

Nor did I dare to criticise for Jemmy baked his own

Then one day I took a notion and quit ate’n Jemmy’s bread

And whenever I was hungry I’d have layers mash instead

I think the eggs and layers mash was a better combination

For it wasn’t near as hard to chaw and it cured my constipation

 

 

 

 

 

When I looked in the sugar boul one day I couldn’t believe my eyes

For it was half full of wee thing majigs and they weren’t all dead flies

Some were soft and gooey and some like bits of leather

And when I couldn’t separate them I quit the sugar altogether

When Jemmy seen the boul half empty he asked where the sugar went

I said don’t ask me sure I’m off the stuff for lent

Then I started to sweep the floor one day and Jemmy he did moan

Sure that’s the best of good clane durt can’t you leave the flure alone

But when I said I found a penny Oh boy said he that’s great

I’ve been looking for that penny since nineteen twenty eight

But when I asked him for a payrise he’d always say not yet

Sure you’re ate’n all the profits them poor hens will die in dept

Now eggs they are good feedin’ when ate in moderation

But I ate over a dozen every day and that’s no exaggeration

I used to weigh just seven stone and my waist was one foot eight

But soon my waist was four foot wide and me thirty stone in weight

Whenever I went swimming the girls would stop and stare

For I was growing feathers where I should be growing hair

When I was walking home at night it was a lonely route

I would often crow and cackle when no one was about

And when I couldn’t keep a girlfriend I blamed it on the eggs

For instead of kissing them on the bake I’d be picking at their legs

 

Then I started sleeping badly and would cackle half the night

And I’d be up and crowing at the first stroke of daylight

I was crowing in the glen one night just at the edge of dark

When this bird sat down beside me and was quickly off the mark

Then she looked me up and down and she looked me in and out

And said I don’t see nothing special for you to crow about

Then I started getting odd and taking them hot flushes

And instead of going to bed at night I’d be roosting in the bushes

The neighbours didn’t notice and they said he’s looking great

Since he went to work for Jemmy he’s put on a bit of weight

I could hear them talking and I wouldn’t be amused

Should I spake or should I cackle my head was all confused

So I went back to see the doctor and he politely said what’s new

But he got a foul mouthed answer it was cock-a doodle-doo

Then when I began to cackle he began to roar

I’m a doctor not a vet as he kicked me out the door

 

 

Then I jumped off a roof one day to test my flying power

But the ground came up and hit me at sixty miles an hour

They took me to the hospital though I loudly did protest

For I could hear the nurses giggling as they got me undressed

They stood around my bed one day four doctors and a nurse

And when asked for her opinion she said he’s getting worse

He is crowing night and morning and he has my head astray

And then I shouted nurse the bed pan quick I think I’m gonna lay

I asked the nurse when I’d get out but she said I don’t know when

For I haven’t yet made up my mind if you are a rooster or a hen

But the doctors soon decided I was one of natures flukes

They said my brains were scrambled and I was cooped up in St Lukes

And there they gave me counselling and told me not to fret

And next time I feel like flying I should fly by Easy Jet

Well now my tale has ended I’ll bid you all adieu

The way a rooster greets the flock with a cock-a doodle doo.