My good friend Teasie - Joan Gaffney

Now nobody could call me house proud and me friends will tell you that’s true

And my house that day wasn’t tidy, but what is a body to do?

For it’s going round this ould tummy bug and I thought I was takin’ the flu,

So I threw all the dishes into the sink and I left him a wee pot of stew.

And I filled up a jar to warm me feet, and I toddled off to me bed,

And I made myself a hot whiskey too, just to clear me fuzzy head.

Well I took the telephone under me arm, an that was my big mistake

For I had just settled into a nice wee doze, when it blasted me wide awake.

Well it was just my good friend Teasie, and she said she’d call for a bit o’ crack

And of I told her how bad I was and how sore was the chest and the back.

Now I’m sure you’ve a friend like Teasie, whose house is so swanky and clean,

That you’d swear you’d have landed in Dallas, like out of them Homes magazines.

And her beds are all frills and flounces and her curtains have frills and tie backs

And you wont see mugs on her dressers, but fine china cups hung on racks.

And she cooks foreign things like moussaka, coos coos and the devil knows what,

And if you bring her your fruit or your veggies, she’ll pickle and chutney the lot.

Well the next thing she said would a floored me if I hadn’t been flat in my bed,

I’ll take a wee race round to see you and with that the phone it went dead.

Well I whizzed out a bed like a rocket, mo just like a bat out a hell

And I shoved my bare feet in my slippers and my poor tummy not feeling well.

Well, I made a mad dash for the bathroom,  grabbed the wet towels from the floor

And I shove them all into the hot press and I banged tight shut the door.

Then I made a mad rush for the kitchen and I scraped my man’s stew from the pot

And I bunged it all into a casserole and stuck a nice piece of parsley on top.

Then I took a look into the good room and it was in a terrible state

So I shoved it under the cushion and threw out the cat and her plate.

Well I thought that might be her coming so I flew back up to my bed,

And I pulled off my wee wooly cardy and put on my frilled nightie instead.

Well in came my good friend Teasie, o just like she’d walked straight out of Vogue

And her hair and her nails were perfection and everything just a la mode.

Well I said I was so glad to see her and I meant every word that I said

For she told me the news of the country and had me killed laughing in bed

Ach aye, she’s me good friend Teasie and that’s as sure as you’re born

For with all of her fads and her fancies, she still is the heart of corn

Ach aye, she’s me good friend Teasie.