The Recession - Henry McGrath
A man beside me, they call Jimmy Magee
He bought land, he bought sites, he bought houses.
And neighbours couldn’t understand
For when they know the man
He hadn’t an arse in his trousers.
He had built a large house on a hilltop
With more windows than I cared to count
There was gardens and lawns
And even fish ponds
You would swear you were going to Stormont.
He has loads of antiques
Though some of them were freaks
And on the street a piebald pony was yacked
I don’t know where it was going
For the big gates at the road they were locked.
He smoked a big cigar
And he drove a sports car
It was plain for all to see
It was white and black with a slanted back
And the initials JMG
He had a young wife, the pride of his life
Dressed in silk and satin, looked fine
Although I didn’t say
There was manys a day
In my heart how I wished she was mine.
In summer she wore practically nothing
Only a pair of short pants and a bra
And in the cradle did smile
Was a sweet little child
I wouldn’t be sure of just who was its da.
One time she took her usual trip to the states
When she came back she was wearing dark glasses
And though some people knew
Now friends this is true
I mistook her for Jackie Onassis.
Then up for sale came a wee bit of land
On the banks of the Bann
And to be truthful it really marched me
But I could not bid for I hadn’t a quid
It was knocked down to Jimmy Magee.
He’d throw the odd party
Where they would all ate hearty
Dressed in suits white collar and tie
I know they all had their napkins
For they were about to start a big fry.
There was a pig in the spit
I can still smell it yet
And whiskey and wine by the gallon
The music was great, it went on very late
I heard it was Foster and Allen.
The ladies too they were dressed in the best
Though some to me looked shakey and flirty
They had travelled by taxi from God knows how far
And a helicopter
I believe it brought Bertie.
Now the sparks and the gravy
Were going high in he air
And a jap musta blew on my hand
I said to the wife, “Well you know that’s the life”
And by God she slung on the pan.
Now it wasn’t long after that
‘Til things began to go flat
And then came the deep rooted recession
Jimmy said to himself “Well I doubt I’ll need help”
And off he went to confession.
Now when the clergy slid the door back,
And they had such a crack
Jimmy asked for the code for the Pope
The clergy says, “Jimmy I can’t give you that
From you he got no envelope”
Then he had heard of Barrack
Well he knew he was black
But he knew he was ending the war in Iraq
He’d bring home the soldiers and the big armored tanks
And best of all he had topped up the banks.
So with inside information
He got a conversation with Barrack
Well it was on the phone
But Barrack says, “Jimmy
My good advice to you is simply just stay at home.
I take it you’re a builder
Or a big speculator
And you’ve got yourself drowned in debt
I over here have bought houses
And I can’t get one of them set”
So the very next night, Jimmy called down to see me.
He says, “Some say that I’m broke, but that’s just a joke
I have piles where the taxman can’t see”
And he said, “I want till give you my sports car
And the number plate to match, for you it will be no trouble
Just change the J to H”
So the very next morn
And Jimmy was gone. I don’t know for how long
Took with him the child and his nice wife Susanna
And high on the hill the big house stands still
The whole thing was took over by NAMA.